Enjoy!
( Oh, and one more thing! )
Leviathan's Boring Sorta-Blog
Well, crap, this has too many entries not to be a blog...
Enjoy!
( Oh, and one more thing! )
In the late 1970s or early 1980s, fearing that another company would cash in on one of their flagship characters with a female version, Marvel Comics invented a hot, smart, female version of the Hulk, called "She-Hulk." In 1990, She-Hulk appeared in the two-issue limited series She-Hulk: Ceremony. The opening sequence has Shulkie, as her fans call her, being hailed to hep evacuate people from an abortion clinic in which a bomb has been planted. After the clinic has been evacuated, and the bomb detonated, largely contained by Shulkie's own body, we get the following page:
Yep. Shouldn't that be clear to people who claim that life is so sacred it must be protected?
Yep. Shouldn't that be clear to people who claim that life is so sacred it must be protected?
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James Bond in Finders, Keepers By Jonathan Andrew Sheen |
|
A few weeks ago, "Gryffie," more formally known as "Mr. Godric Gryffindor," known by a previous human as "Tigger," a beautiful, sweet-natured, social, affectionate cat, seen above as he slept on my hip in the wee hours of February 25th, 1998, had a change in behavior, hiding in corners and dark places. I gave him a few days to get over it, then made it my business to haul him out and love on him, and encourage him to re-join the family. At first, it worked.
The week before last, however, he began acting listless and torpid, and, the Saturday before last, I became concerned enough to want to take him to the vet. The vet, however, was not there, and would not be until Monday. By that Monday morning, I feared he would not make it through the day, and he was nearly dead before I could get him in to the Vet's office.
The next day, having had subcutaneous fluids and food, he seemed happier and peppier, and was sent home. "But wait," I asked. "What caused this? Did the blood work show anything?" Well, no, it hadn't, and the vet had no idea, but assumed that Gryffie had ingested some sort of poison, or that I had been inept in applying anti-flea drops, and poisoned him. I knew that wasn't the case, and knew that it was not an environmental poison -- my other three cats, after all, had no problems -- but there was no way of knowing what the problem was.
That night, lying in bed between my wife and me, he had a seizure, and, come the morn, it was back to the Vet for Mr. Gryffie. He was given Phenobarbital, and an antibiotic, and by Sunday, seeming much the better, was sent home again. Sunday night, another seizure, Monday morning, a return to the vet.
More Phenobarbital, a seizure-free night, more phenobarbital, another seizure in the night, and the Vet was now fairly confident that it would just be a matter of adjusting dosages, and that Gryffie would soon be home and happy. I spoke with the vet at approximately 6:00 last evening, and all was well. One more night to make sure the dosages were working, and he'd be coming home, probably, today.
This morning at 8:40 AM, ten minutes after his office had opened, the Vet called me to tell me that Gryffie had passed away overnight.
I can't begin to express how I loved that cat, nor how heartbroken I am to know he'll never again be coming home to me, never again leap onto me as I try to settle in for bed, before I'm quite in position to go to sleep.
Rest Well, Gryffie. I will always love and miss you.
The incomparable Christopher Lee, who was so integral to making Hammer Horror a genre of its own, and who gained a new career and new audience with the role of Saruman in the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, was knighted today, just in time for Hallowe'en.
So, as a Hallowe'en treat, in honor of Sir Christopher, please enjoy one of my favorites among is movies, with his frequent Hammer co-star Peter Cushing.
It's not a Hammer film, but with those stars, and a lot of effort, it's a pretty good approximation. This movie is in the Public Domain, so you can find clearer copies online with minimal effort, and frequently find it on DVD for a dollar! What more could you ask for?
So, guys and ghouls, it is with great pleasure that I give you:
HORROR EXPRESS
So, as a Hallowe'en treat, in honor of Sir Christopher, please enjoy one of my favorites among is movies, with his frequent Hammer co-star Peter Cushing.
It's not a Hammer film, but with those stars, and a lot of effort, it's a pretty good approximation. This movie is in the Public Domain, so you can find clearer copies online with minimal effort, and frequently find it on DVD for a dollar! What more could you ask for?
So, guys and ghouls, it is with great pleasure that I give you:
Presented without comment, because, in the name of God, what could I say?
Posted on 2009.10.10 at 13:39
Note the "Mottos:"
TIBERIUS: Boldly go
RED SHIRT: Because tomorrow may never come
Discovered thanks to
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
leelastarsky's husband, a comic shop owner:PON FARR: Drive him crazy
Further investigation shows the same company came up with an "Exclusive scent" for ComicCon International:
KHAAANN!: Engineered to be superior
New Companion for "Doctor Who"
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
38 River Road, Lot 3
Pepperell, MA, 01463-1623
Phone (978) 407-7403
E-Mail: jsheen@leviathanstudios.com
Objectives: To broaden my experience and continue to grow as a Customer Service Professional.
Skills:
- Over twenty years of Customer Service and Technical Support experience
- First-rate troubleshooting skills
- Excellent written and verbal communications skills
- Trained in Bank Secrecy Act and Fair Debt Collections Practices Act
Experience:
Early Stage Collector February, 2009 - September 2009
Digital Federal Credit Union 220 Donald Lynch Boulevard, Marlborough, MA 01753
Made outbound collections calls to Credit Union Members whose debts were 0 to 45 days past due, finding and resolving internal problems leading to delinquency, and helping members plan and schedule payments to bring loans up to date.
Member Service Representative May, 2008 - February, 2009
Digital Federal Credit Union 220 Donald Lynch Boulevard, Marlborough, MA 01753
Provided call-center support for all manner of banking products and services in a fast-paced environment to credit union members. Tracked and resolved member issues including banking errors on Credit Union’s part, misapplied deposits and payments, guidance in planning for future financial goals and assistance in solving current problems. Guided members in use of Credit Union’s web-site and cross-sold financial products and services.
Technical Support Representative April, 2004 - February, 2008
ProSpeed.Net 71 Spit Brook Road,. Suite 310, Nashua, NH 03060
Provided phone and e-mail technical support to DSL and T11 customers, helping customers configure and install TCP/IP software, e-mail client software, and connectivity equipment such as routers. Troubleshooting connectivity problems, assisting both staff and customers with file management, etc.
Performed system administration tasks on Unix and Windows-based Servers, using web-based "Webmin" interface. This included management of BIND DNS server, Sendmail mail server, Dovecot POP server and others.
Performed testing and troubleshooting of T1 circuits and handled reception of circuit turnovers from Telcos, testing and evaluating T1 servers via an ASC connectivity device.
Performed testing and troubleshooting of DSL circuits through Turnstone connectivity and testing device, and configured DSL connections on Copper Mountain and Paradyne DSLAMs.
Technical Support Representative November, 2003 - April, 2004
Dynamic Network Services, Inc. 1 Sundial Ave. Suite 301, Manchester, NH 03103
Responded by e-mail to technical support queries for a provider of Dynamic DNS Services, usually resolving problems with a single response. Learned the use of the RT ticketing system in the course of these duties.
Community Support Manager April, 2002 - November, 2002
AlphaBreeze Technologies, Inc. 76 Summer Street, Suite 025, Fitchburg, MA, 01420
Manager of Technical Support for small regional Internet Service Provider. Also designed logo and corporate identity materials for that ISP, and created marketing material, including designing advertisements, creating flyers and lobby cards. Negotiated provision of dial-up PoPs for ISP, and usenet news service from outsourcers.
Gained moderate proficiency in Adobe Pagemaker as a result of the marketing work above.
Commercial Operations Specialist June 2001 - September 2001
RCN 313 Boston Post Road West, Marlborough, MA
Contact point for high-speed internet customers, with circuits including ISDN, DSL, Frame Relay, T1 and T3 circuits. This involved troubleshooting, managing trouble ticketing with a variety of telephone companies, and configuration of Cisco, Netopia, Flowpoint, and other routers.
NOC Operator June 1999 - May 2001
RCN 313 Boston Post Road West, Marlborough, MA
Working in Network Operations Center for major East Coast Internet Service Provider.
Responsibilities included using network monitoring tools such as NOCOL, HP Open View, TKINED, NetCool, and others, and configuration of those tools.
Duties also included troubleshooting on routers including those manufactured by Cisco, Proteon, Netopia, and others, as well as Network Access Servers such as Ascend TNT and Livingston PortMaster.
Successfully completed Cisco's "Interconnecting Cisco Network Devices" training course through Global Knowledge corporation, and training from Lucent Corporation on the Ascend Max TNT.
Lead Technical Support Representative September 1998 - May 1999
NET1Plus 119 Massachusetts Avenue, Lunenburg, MA 01462
Led small Internet Service Provider's Technical Support Department, including four Technical Support Representatives.
HTML Programmer March 1998 - September 1998
UltraNet Communications, Inc. 313 Boston Post Road West, Marlborough, MA 01752
Created web sites for commercial customers, including HTML code, CGI Scripting, and graphics manipulation.
Software used included Adobe Photoshop, Paint Shop Pro, Net Objects Fusion, MicroSoft Front Page, and Windows Notepad.
Technical Support Representative March 1996 - March 1998
UltraNet Communications, Inc. 313 Boston Post Road West, Marlborough, MA 01752
Provided phone and e-mail technical support to customers, and assisted in management of UNIX-based system, including adding and removing accounts, helping customers configure and install TCP/IP software, troubleshooting connectivity problems, assisting both staff and customers with file management, etc.
Co-created the UltraNet Technical Support Training Manual, and web guides for a number of connectivity issues, including configuring Windows NT 3.5.1.
Successfully devised and tested a connection strategy for Bentley College's Virtual Private Network, and created documentation for implementation of it in Windows 95.
Technical Support/Assistant Systems Administrator October 1995 - February 1996:
intuitive information, incorporated
iii.net, an Internet Service Provider
(No address: defunct)
Provided phone and e-mail technical support to customers, and assisted in management of UNIX-based system, including adding and removing accounts, helping customers configure and install TCP/IP software, troubleshooting connectivity problems, assisting both staff and customers with file management, etc.
February 1995 - October 1995:
Various Temporary Assignments, including:
Applix Software Westborough Executive Park, 112 Turnpike Rd., Westborough, MA 01581
Tech Support Call Dispatcher
First Point-of-Contact for technical support department, taking detailed descriptions of problems and routing calls to Support Engineers.
(Two separate assignments, the second by specific request of Director of Tech Support)
References:
Available Upon Request
A Microsoft Word document of this resume is available here.
Science Fiction legend Larry Niven once wrote, "Murder is a recent invention — as distinctly opposed to killing a man who has armed relatives."
This telling little sentence says a lot about civilization, says a lot, specifically, about Justice. Before there was a system of Justice, there was only revenge. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
We've learned since then, we've become wiser and truer and more godlike, and one of the chief examples of this is that we've created Justice, a system of laws, that exists to regulate conduct among people in our society to try to see to it that all are treated fairly, that acts which are bad for the community are discouraged, and that those who prey upon others are similarly discouraged, by creating and enforcing consequences of those acts that are greater than the benefits to the actor.
I truly believe that this, this distancing of Justice from Revenge, is what sets humankind apart from "lesser creatures."
So it is that I have been increasingly unsettled by our system of Justice's ceding greater and greater roles to victims in deciding punishments. That's a very bad precedent to set, because victims, whatever they say, don't want justice. They want revenge.
Ted Koppel, trying to wring an emotional reaction from Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis during his Presidential bid, provoked him, in the famous "You just don't get it" exchange, with the question of what he'd want in a hypothetical situation in which his wife or daughter were raped and murdered. Dukakis responded with great intellectual precision, but he did indeed punt the question. The answer is, of course, "I'd want to kill them. I'd want to strip the flesh from their bodies and roll them in salt, lower them feet-first into a wood chipper a quarter-inch at a time and laugh while I pissed into their screaming mouths. That's why we have a system of justice: So I won't get what I want, because all I would want would be cheap vengeance."
To keep from being savage vengeance, no better than any beast of the jungles, Justice must be administered without passion or prejudice. What is they law, what is the evidence? That's all.
This week, 30 years after fleeing the United States to avoid sentencing and punishment for a crime to which he pled guilty, Oscar-Winning director Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland, where he awaits extradition to the U.S. for sentencing and carrying out of his sentence.
This is a very simple case. Convicted of a crime, a man fled the country to avoid punishment. There's no room for controversy here. He goes to jail.
But I find I am uncomfortable with the responses of many.
I am, of course, baffled and angered by the army of celebrities who have signed "Free Roman Polanski" petitions. It's not like there's doubt of his guilt. He pled guilty!
But I am also disturbed by the vengefulness of many who rail against Polanski, screaming, it seems, not for imprisonment, but for his blood.
Now, don't misunderstand me: His crime is one deserving of rage. I have to believe that his celebrity supporters don't really know what the crime itself was, and think it was akin to his relationship with then-15-year-old Nastassia Kinski. I have to believe that they don't realize -- or didn't when they voiced their support -- that he drugged a 13-year-old girl, and forced himself sexually on her, orally, vaginally, and anally, ignoring her telling him "No." If you know that he did that, and don't feel rage, I'm pretty sickened by you.
But that rage should not be part of the process of Justice. There is no question of guilt or innocence. Polanski, by his own admission, is guilty.
And he should face Justice, without passion or prejudice.
Because that way, all know, without question, without doubt, that he was sentenced fairly, and none can argue that he received, not Justice, but Vengeance.
This telling little sentence says a lot about civilization, says a lot, specifically, about Justice. Before there was a system of Justice, there was only revenge. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
We've learned since then, we've become wiser and truer and more godlike, and one of the chief examples of this is that we've created Justice, a system of laws, that exists to regulate conduct among people in our society to try to see to it that all are treated fairly, that acts which are bad for the community are discouraged, and that those who prey upon others are similarly discouraged, by creating and enforcing consequences of those acts that are greater than the benefits to the actor.
I truly believe that this, this distancing of Justice from Revenge, is what sets humankind apart from "lesser creatures."
So it is that I have been increasingly unsettled by our system of Justice's ceding greater and greater roles to victims in deciding punishments. That's a very bad precedent to set, because victims, whatever they say, don't want justice. They want revenge.
Ted Koppel, trying to wring an emotional reaction from Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis during his Presidential bid, provoked him, in the famous "You just don't get it" exchange, with the question of what he'd want in a hypothetical situation in which his wife or daughter were raped and murdered. Dukakis responded with great intellectual precision, but he did indeed punt the question. The answer is, of course, "I'd want to kill them. I'd want to strip the flesh from their bodies and roll them in salt, lower them feet-first into a wood chipper a quarter-inch at a time and laugh while I pissed into their screaming mouths. That's why we have a system of justice: So I won't get what I want, because all I would want would be cheap vengeance."
To keep from being savage vengeance, no better than any beast of the jungles, Justice must be administered without passion or prejudice. What is they law, what is the evidence? That's all.
This week, 30 years after fleeing the United States to avoid sentencing and punishment for a crime to which he pled guilty, Oscar-Winning director Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland, where he awaits extradition to the U.S. for sentencing and carrying out of his sentence.
This is a very simple case. Convicted of a crime, a man fled the country to avoid punishment. There's no room for controversy here. He goes to jail.
But I find I am uncomfortable with the responses of many.
I am, of course, baffled and angered by the army of celebrities who have signed "Free Roman Polanski" petitions. It's not like there's doubt of his guilt. He pled guilty!
But I am also disturbed by the vengefulness of many who rail against Polanski, screaming, it seems, not for imprisonment, but for his blood.
Now, don't misunderstand me: His crime is one deserving of rage. I have to believe that his celebrity supporters don't really know what the crime itself was, and think it was akin to his relationship with then-15-year-old Nastassia Kinski. I have to believe that they don't realize -- or didn't when they voiced their support -- that he drugged a 13-year-old girl, and forced himself sexually on her, orally, vaginally, and anally, ignoring her telling him "No." If you know that he did that, and don't feel rage, I'm pretty sickened by you.
But that rage should not be part of the process of Justice. There is no question of guilt or innocence. Polanski, by his own admission, is guilty.
And he should face Justice, without passion or prejudice.
Because that way, all know, without question, without doubt, that he was sentenced fairly, and none can argue that he received, not Justice, but Vengeance.
Representative Alan Grayson (D, Florida) gave a late-night speech about the Republican Health Care Plan:
The GOP, of, course, demanded he apologize, on the floor of the House. So he did:
Where has this guy been all my political life?
The GOP, of, course, demanded he apologize, on the floor of the House. So he did:
Where has this guy been all my political life?
Since LJ is being a dick, CLICK HERE to see the video.
When I was a little boy, in the late 1960s, I never dreamed I'd grow up into a world where Beatles had died. Not by violence, not by illness.
But I somehow knew I'd grow up into a world where the Beatles would never die, in the omnipresent inspiration their music gives the world.
I doubt I'll ever own or play Beatles Rock Band, but I'm grateful for this.
I can't fully process having awakened this morning into a Massachusetts, and indeed a World, where Ted Kennedy is no longer fighting to bring to the have-nots all the benefits his wealth made possible for him. We've known for over a year that this day was coming, the day we'd awaken without the last great liberal lion of the Senate, but it is still inconceivable that the day has arrived.
Edward M. Kennedy knew a great truth: That the government isn't the enemy, but the best possible friend. We hear again and again the lie that Government is a problem. Libertarians like to say that it should be made small enough to drown in a bathtub because the community will come together to provide the essential services the government now does.
The Great Lie of this, of course, is that the community has come together to provide them: That is the government!
Ted Kennedy knew that lie for what it was, and he bent the power of the Government to the service of the citizens, as it was meant to be.
And now he has roared his last, and his pride will have to find a way t go on without him.
America has lost a great lawmaker. Massachusetts as lost a loving godparent.
So very, very sad.
Edward M. Kennedy knew a great truth: That the government isn't the enemy, but the best possible friend. We hear again and again the lie that Government is a problem. Libertarians like to say that it should be made small enough to drown in a bathtub because the community will come together to provide the essential services the government now does.
The Great Lie of this, of course, is that the community has come together to provide them: That is the government!
Ted Kennedy knew that lie for what it was, and he bent the power of the Government to the service of the citizens, as it was meant to be.
And now he has roared his last, and his pride will have to find a way t go on without him.
America has lost a great lawmaker. Massachusetts as lost a loving godparent.
So very, very sad.
Forty years ago today, humankind did the impossible.
Happy anniversary.
Happy anniversary.
You can't make this stuff up.
From http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b126764
Daniel Craig Is Double-Oh Delicious
Today 9:16 AM PDT by Breanne L. Heldman
Who wouldn't want to get a taste of Daniel Craig?
Lucky ladies in the U.K. will have the opportunity to lick his well-chiseled abs freely. Del Monte's Superfruit Smoothies is releasing limited-edition lollies—that's Popsicles to us—of the Bond star's, ahem, delicious torso and head. The purple frozen treats are blueberry, pomegranate and cranberry flavored, and will only be available this week during Britain's National Ice Cream Week. (Sidenote: U.S. National Ice Cream Month is in July—anyone for a Robert Pattinson flavored treat?)
The fruit company conducted a poll asking women who they'd like to see melting from a wooden stick, and 41-year-old Craig was their man.
"Daniel Craig topped our poll of Britain's coolest celebrities and, thanks to our Del Monte lolly replica, he is officially immortalized as super smooth and licensed to chill," spokesman Matt O'Connor said in a statement.
From http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b126764
Daniel Craig Is Double-Oh Delicious
Today 9:16 AM PDT by Breanne L. Heldman
Who wouldn't want to get a taste of Daniel Craig?
Lucky ladies in the U.K. will have the opportunity to lick his well-chiseled abs freely. Del Monte's Superfruit Smoothies is releasing limited-edition lollies—that's Popsicles to us—of the Bond star's, ahem, delicious torso and head. The purple frozen treats are blueberry, pomegranate and cranberry flavored, and will only be available this week during Britain's National Ice Cream Week. (Sidenote: U.S. National Ice Cream Month is in July—anyone for a Robert Pattinson flavored treat?)
The fruit company conducted a poll asking women who they'd like to see melting from a wooden stick, and 41-year-old Craig was their man.
"Daniel Craig topped our poll of Britain's coolest celebrities and, thanks to our Del Monte lolly replica, he is officially immortalized as super smooth and licensed to chill," spokesman Matt O'Connor said in a statement.
Trust me. I mean it. Trust me.
Go see UP!
I mean it. Now. Why are you still reading this?
Go see UP!
I mean it. Now. Why are you still reading this?
Because in the beginning was the word...
I'm going to be posting another fic starting shortly, a crossover featuring The Tenth Doctor an Martha Jones, and the Third Doctor and Jo Grant, both meeting at different times and dealing with two of the greatest characters in the history of detective fiction, Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin.
A great source for a lot of information on this intrepid pair can be seen at Nero Wolfe's Wikipedia Entry.
The short form:
Born in the Balkan state of Montenegro, Nero Wolfe is a genius, an eccentric, an agoraphobe, and probably the greatest private detective in the world.
He lives in a brownstone house at 922 East 35th Street, in New York City, with his able assistant, Archie Goodwin, and his chef and housekeeper, Fritz Brenner. He is a very fat man (at least the whippet-thin Rex Stout, who created him, thought so, referring frequently to his seventh of a ton. That's only 285 pounds, but Stout, who was probably about 160 pounds soaking wet, probably thought that prodigious.) a gourmand, chef, and orchid grower who never leaves his house on business, and keeps rigidly to a schedule: From nine to eleven each morning, and from four to six each afternoon, he ascends in his private elevator to the greenhouse on the roof of his three-story residence to work with his orchids, assisted by a daytime employee named Theodore Horstmann, who is seldom seen. Wolfe will not discuss business at meals, drinks far too much beer and is quite fussy about language, sometimes charging clients higher fees -- and his fees are prodigious -- if they dare to use "Contact" as a verb.
His stories are narrated by Archie Goodwin. Goodwin is a first-class private eye, tall, strong, handsome, brave, with a photographic memory. He has a thousand jobs with Wolfe, but the two main ones are these: He does all the actual "Investigating" when Wolfe is hired to solve a mystery. He visits crime scenes, questions witnesses, gathers evidence, takes notes, memorizes conversations. Then, later, back at the office, he tells Wolfe all that he learned, often verbatim. Wolfe then solves the case. His second job is to ride Wolfe and make sure he actually works. Wolfe is a deeply lazy man, and would end up penniless and homeless without Archie Goodwin to hector and annoy him into doing his job. Goodwin is likeable and sarcastic, and forgets nothing. Archie will do a fairly good job of introducing you to other characters, so trust him to guide you: Wolfe won't always play fair with him, but he will always play fair with you.
Most of you know "Doctor Who" at least from the new series, so you'll know the Tenth Doctor and Martha Jones. Later, we'll be spending time with the Third Doctor and Jo Grant, who few of you will know, but I hope you'll give them a chance.
To the best of my ability, though, this story will be told in the fashion of a Nero Wolfe mystery story, so please be prepared for that point of view.
One more point about the Wolfe characters: They don't age. It was a deliberate choice by the author: From 1934's "Fer de Lance" to 1975's "A Family Affair," published just a month before the death of Stout, Wolfe has remained in his fifties and Archie in his early 30s, while world events stay current and pointed. This is at times very "In your face:" In 1964's "A Right to Die," 50-ish Wolfe and 30-ish Archie are hired by character from 1936's "Too Many Cooks," who explicitly states that they first and last met him 28 years before. That's just the fact of the Wolfe universe, and one I'm adhering to, with an opening chapter set in 1968 before the story picks up in "The Present Day."
So I hope you'll come along with me and meet Wolfe and Archie. If you like them -- and I believe you will, or I wouldn't be here -- pick up Stout's original books: they're still easy to find. I also recomend the recent A&E TV Series "A Nero Wolfe Adventure" starring Maury Chaykin as Wolfe and Timothy Hutton as Archie, seen in my Icon.
A great source for a lot of information on this intrepid pair can be seen at Nero Wolfe's Wikipedia Entry.
The short form:
Born in the Balkan state of Montenegro, Nero Wolfe is a genius, an eccentric, an agoraphobe, and probably the greatest private detective in the world.
He lives in a brownstone house at 922 East 35th Street, in New York City, with his able assistant, Archie Goodwin, and his chef and housekeeper, Fritz Brenner. He is a very fat man (at least the whippet-thin Rex Stout, who created him, thought so, referring frequently to his seventh of a ton. That's only 285 pounds, but Stout, who was probably about 160 pounds soaking wet, probably thought that prodigious.) a gourmand, chef, and orchid grower who never leaves his house on business, and keeps rigidly to a schedule: From nine to eleven each morning, and from four to six each afternoon, he ascends in his private elevator to the greenhouse on the roof of his three-story residence to work with his orchids, assisted by a daytime employee named Theodore Horstmann, who is seldom seen. Wolfe will not discuss business at meals, drinks far too much beer and is quite fussy about language, sometimes charging clients higher fees -- and his fees are prodigious -- if they dare to use "Contact" as a verb.
His stories are narrated by Archie Goodwin. Goodwin is a first-class private eye, tall, strong, handsome, brave, with a photographic memory. He has a thousand jobs with Wolfe, but the two main ones are these: He does all the actual "Investigating" when Wolfe is hired to solve a mystery. He visits crime scenes, questions witnesses, gathers evidence, takes notes, memorizes conversations. Then, later, back at the office, he tells Wolfe all that he learned, often verbatim. Wolfe then solves the case. His second job is to ride Wolfe and make sure he actually works. Wolfe is a deeply lazy man, and would end up penniless and homeless without Archie Goodwin to hector and annoy him into doing his job. Goodwin is likeable and sarcastic, and forgets nothing. Archie will do a fairly good job of introducing you to other characters, so trust him to guide you: Wolfe won't always play fair with him, but he will always play fair with you.
Most of you know "Doctor Who" at least from the new series, so you'll know the Tenth Doctor and Martha Jones. Later, we'll be spending time with the Third Doctor and Jo Grant, who few of you will know, but I hope you'll give them a chance.
To the best of my ability, though, this story will be told in the fashion of a Nero Wolfe mystery story, so please be prepared for that point of view.
One more point about the Wolfe characters: They don't age. It was a deliberate choice by the author: From 1934's "Fer de Lance" to 1975's "A Family Affair," published just a month before the death of Stout, Wolfe has remained in his fifties and Archie in his early 30s, while world events stay current and pointed. This is at times very "In your face:" In 1964's "A Right to Die," 50-ish Wolfe and 30-ish Archie are hired by character from 1936's "Too Many Cooks," who explicitly states that they first and last met him 28 years before. That's just the fact of the Wolfe universe, and one I'm adhering to, with an opening chapter set in 1968 before the story picks up in "The Present Day."
So I hope you'll come along with me and meet Wolfe and Archie. If you like them -- and I believe you will, or I wouldn't be here -- pick up Stout's original books: they're still easy to find. I also recomend the recent A&E TV Series "A Nero Wolfe Adventure" starring Maury Chaykin as Wolfe and Timothy Hutton as Archie, seen in my Icon.