Look, "Gentle" and "Polite" have obviously not worked. It's time to just come out and say it:
AMERICANS ARE FUCKING CRAZY.
WE ARE FULL-GOOSE-BOZO, ROUND THE FUCKING BEND, OUT OF OUR FUCKING MINDS.
The rest of the world knows it. Watch any episode of "Doctor Who" that involves both Americans and firearms. Americans and Guns aren't so much Thelma and Louise, but the two women in the french movie "Basé Moi," who travel around killing, maiming, crippling and disfiguring before they end up destroying themselves.
We're so fucking painless stupid that we think any regulation of any kind violates an amendment that begins with the words "A well-regulated."
We're full past the brim of assholes who fantasies themselves movie heroes, Dirty Harry, and are perfectly happy to see dozens of harmless innocents at a time -- politically active Arizonans, Batman fans in Colorado, now schoolchildren in Connecticut -- than have any risk of losing their "Dirty Harry" prop, their surrogate penis, their masturbatory "No-poke" dildo: Their gun.
Statistics show that the number of people who have protected themselves or their families with guns are vanishing small -- considerably smaller, in fact, than the number who have their own guns taken away, to be killed with them. Ruby Ridge and the Branch Davidians tell you all there is to know about rugged American patriots defending their liberty from a tyrannical government. Even if George Washington _had_ said "Guns are our liberty teeth" -- which, to the eternal gratitude of those of us who like to think him capable of eloquent, elegant writing, he never, ever did -- trying to bite back with them has not historically worked out well for the biter.
But America has made its priorities clear. Better endless, infinite innocents die, shoppers and moviegoers and first, second, third and fourth graders, than anyone who wants to pretend he's a Tarantino character have to do so with a plastic toy.
We are out of our fucking minds.