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Please think good thoughts for the Bear-Shaped Dog

Posted on 2007.02.12 at 07:37
Tags: ,
You guys have heard from me before about my truest love, Mandy, the Bear-Shaped Dog.

Here she is in all her glory:

Well, Friday night, she hopped up to ask me to take her out, and I saw that, on her right-front leg, just above the "wrist" joint, she'd developed a lump about the size of a mouse ball. (Computer, not rodent.)

Saturday morning, she was at the vet's office, and he immediately told me, "That's not a fatty lump or a hematoma; it's not one of the good guys." So this morning, I'll be late for work, because I'll be dropping Mandy off at the vet to have it removed and shipped off to a pathologist, to discover what it is, and whether there's more beyond that to do.

I'm terribly worried about my baby girl. It's one of the times I wish she could understand English. She was adopted from an Animal Shelter at the age of five, given up by a family that was moving to a place they couldn't have a dog. So she lived for five years with a family, and then one day they drove her to a place with kennels and crates and other dogs, and they petted her, and no doubt told her they loved her, and drove away... And she never saw them again.

Now, today, I'll be driving her to a place with kennels and crates and other dogs, and I'll pet her and tell her I love her, and I'll drive away, and I wish with all I have that I could tell her that I'll be back to bring her hom as soon as I'm allowed to. But telling her that is beyond my -- beyond anyone's -- power. And that makes me want to cry.

I can and will do what it takes to get through the health issues with her. I'll spend the money, I'll put in the time, and if and when the time comes that the only thing left I can do for her is to put an end to the suffering, well, I can do that too. It will gut me, maybe kill me, but I can do it. I've done it before.

But I can't tell her that I'll be back in a day or so. I can't tell her that I'm not ever going to abandon her the way her old family did.

And it's tearing me up.

I'll let you guys know how things progress.


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oncelikeshari at 2007-02-12 12:58 (UTC) (Link)
*Gives you big cuddle*
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:11 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, mate. If all goes well, I ought to be able to pass that on to the Mandy-Bear this evening.
natertatersmom at 2007-02-12 13:13 (UTC) (Link)

Ahhh Jon. Your Mandy is breaking my heart. Bless you and bless her and I'll bet she's smart enough to know the difference between you and the ones who never came back.

Do keep us posted.
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:19 (UTC) (Link)
She's such a good girl sop sweet adn loving and eager to please. I'd hate for her to think, even for a moment, that I don't love her, or have abandoned her.

I'll be getting a call later today to tell me the situation.
i_m_b00 at 2007-02-12 13:16 (UTC) (Link)
*hugs you*

*hugs Mandy*

I will be thinking of you both.

Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:21 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you for the good thoughts.
(Deleted comment)
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:22 (UTC) (Link)
I'm sure this ends up being more emo than it deserves. I'm sure she comes home tonight with a little owie, and everything's fine. THank you so much for the good thoughts.
harrysmom at 2007-02-12 13:40 (UTC) (Link)
Oh Jon, I am so sorry, that is so sucky. Dogs become part of the family and it must tear you up having to leave her there.

I'll be thinking of her.
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:25 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, she is totally my love, so sweet-natured adn affectionate, and eager to please. You tell her to "Sit!" and her ass hits teh floor with an audible thud! followd by a "Swoosh-Swoosh-Swoosh!" as she sits there wagging her tail, looking up at you with eyes that say, "Is that good? Did I do it right?" Therer have only been a couple of times that it's just killed me not to share a common language, and this morning, not being able to tell her, "I'll be back for you," was one of those times.
deena beena bo beena
almond_joyz at 2007-02-12 13:50 (UTC) (Link)
oh you prat, you made me cry at 745 am....i hope all goes well with her and that it's nothing too serious....hehe or should I say Sirius, since that's the first thins I thought of when i saw her picture....
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:27 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, look at that face! Tell me that's not Padfoot! Wrong gender, but, Oh, yeah.

I'm trying to be optomistic. More of these things are nothing than are serious problems. Thanks for our good thoughts.
magnolialane at 2007-02-12 14:00 (UTC) (Link)
Oh my friend,I am so sorry to hear about Mandy. She is such a lovely dog and the way you describe her makes me think that I know her. Hope all turns out well for you both. I know how hard it is not to be able to let them know that even though we're leaving them that we'll be back. Must go find a tissue now that my eyes have sprung a leak.

*hugs you tightly*
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:41 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much for the warm thoughts. I'm looking forward to seeing her again, so she'll understand I would never ever abandon her.
thesteppyone at 2007-02-12 14:04 (UTC) (Link)
*hugs you*

*sends out healing thoughts*

*hugs you again*
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:47 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, Sarah, thanks so much. I'll pass some of those hugs onto Mandy when i can.
The Hysterical Hystorian
abigail89 at 2007-02-12 14:38 (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* to you and Mandy.

It's never fun to have a sick child. Sometimes it's even worse to have a sick pet, because they can't tell you what's going on, they don't understand what's happening to them, and most of the time there's nothing they can do.

I'm a dog person too. Two years ago we had to put down our beloved Annie the lab after she suffered a stroke. I thought my heart was being ripped from my chest. We had 15 wonderful years together, and she was in every way our child.

My prayers are with you.
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:49 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much for the prayers. I wish I had a faith like that that I could turn to for comfort. I feel your pain about Annie, and you have mu warm thoughts as well.
alloy_ at 2007-02-12 14:41 (UTC) (Link)
They're part of our family, best wishes to shaggy dawg.
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:53 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, Marc. She's absoluteyl a part of my family, adn often the best part. She's brave, she's loyal, she's kinc and loving, and always looks at me like I conquered the known world for her. What human can compete?
Gummo Bergman's "Silent Strawberries"
marginaliana at 2007-02-12 14:42 (UTC) (Link)
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 14:54 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, Jessie!
maple_mahogany at 2007-02-12 15:07 (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry. *big hugs*

That does hurt deeply, I understand.

And this is a part of taking care of her and loving her. You are doing your job well.
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 15:52 (UTC) (Link)
It's funny, Maple. I wrote, just the other day, about the difference between what we know intellectually and what we can believe in our hearts. Bridging that gap is always the hardest part.

As the "Daddy," I know what I have to do. And I know how to do what's best. The time it was most crushing for me was with one of my cats, who had a bone cancer that caused his jaw to break under the light pressure of giving him a pill. Even then --other than not likign the pill! -- he didn't complain. He just made his way along, still trying, and I had to be the Daddy, and say, "No. I know that you're willing, but I can't let you keep slugging it out. it's time." I did the right thing. I know it now, adn knew it then. It felt like Murder.

This is -- please, Oh Universe, please -- nowhere near that bad.

But it still hurts.

Thank you for understanding.
elfwhistletree at 2007-02-12 15:15 (UTC) (Link)

*tries to type with fingers crosseed*


What they said - I really hope the tests work out OK, and I do understand about the "wanting to explain" part. However with cats I think I would get a lot more argument than obedience, although having said that I think sometimes animals understand quite a lot, and know that "their" humans have their best interests at heart.

Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 15:55 (UTC) (Link)
I hope she knows. I hope she knows I'll be back for her. I hope she knows I'll always be back for her. But all I can think about is a previous family who I'm sure loved her very much, who had always been back for her.... Until they weren't.

I know she'll be glad to see me, but I hate the pain or fear she might feel in the meantime.
abovethestars at 2007-02-12 15:40 (UTC) (Link)
*hugs Mandy*

You and Mandy are in my prayers today. Keep us posted.

*hugs you*
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 15:56 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much, Sarah. I don't actually believe in that Higher Power, but I'd be happy to accept His intercession on Mandy's behalf nonetheless.
dream_wia_dream at 2007-02-12 15:44 (UTC) (Link)
All my love goes out to you. Mandy knows how much you love her. You show it to her every day. And that love will carry over while she's in a place she doesn't want to be. And you'll just reaffirm that love when you come back for her. *Sending all my happy thawts to you*
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-02-12 16:02 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, thanks so much, Mel. I'm so looking forward to going back to pick her up, and having her see me, and know that I'm back for her. I hope she has the faith in the meantime to know I'mthinking about her, and love her, and would never just abandon her....

But I think that might be a lot to ask of a dog. And she's been so loving for me, I hate the thought that I can't be there for her now.
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