Jonathan Andrew Sheen (leviathan0999) wrote,
Jonathan Andrew Sheen

The True Meaning of Evil

So, a surprising number of years ago, when I was living in a crappy, shabby apartment (both by my own making) in Shirley, Massachusetts, a new guy had moved into the apartment next to mine. I didn't know him at all, I was just vaguely aware that someone had moved in.

A few days after, there was a knock on my door, and a very attractive blue-eyed, blond-haired girl with a goofy smile was asking me about my new neighbor, and I confessed with some regret I knew nothing about him.

Not long after that, I actually met this new neighbor. His name was Jeff Wade, now, of course, known as j_on_lj, and he had fairly abruptly moved out of an apartment shared with the young woman I'll call Blondie. He was quite clear on being through with her, but she wasn't particularly through with him, and he, being a decent enough bloke, wanted to stay on friendly terms with her. So she was around a lot, and I began crushing pretty madly on her.

At one point there were some pity snogs (although I didn't realize that's what they were at the time) and I was starting to feel more...

And Jeff crooked his little finger at her. I was a memory.

I tried, for the most part, to be a good guy about it. You don't weigh 400 pounds without getting used to lack of success onthe romantic front. But sometimes, the resentment burned. It burned, precious!

One night, I was up late, flipping channels. I was working for a Cable TV company in those days, so I got all the channels for free, which was a good deal. But the movie channels wee showing crap, the major networks were no better,and I was up in what were then the higher channels. I hit Channel 68, "The Learning Channel," which in those days really was about educational programming, and saw the program was "The Operation," a magnificent and disgusting program which showed surgical operations, in all their bloody, grisly, glory, and, as was my wont, I stared for a few moments, trying to figure out what it was... Oh, sweet bleeding Christ! I recognized what i was seeing and clicked the "up" button on the remote so hard I bruised my thumb.

And almost immediately, I heard the door into the shared stairwell open, and Jeff and Blondie coming in. She was giggling, possibly a little tipsy, and spoke to him in a low voice. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but the implication of her tone was clear! And it burned, precious, it burned.

And this was the moment I discovered in my heart the true meaning of evil, and I heard them climbing the stairs together, Jeff speaking with warm confidence, Blondie giggling girlishly, and the plan formed in my mind, as fiendish as any James Bond villain ever came up with. Through the thin walls, I heard them moving through the apartment to the room Jeff used as bedroom and lounge, heard her giggling again. I grabbed the phone, dialed his number. As he picked up, I heard her muttering darkly in the background, "Oh, what does he want!?"

My voice was quick, my tone excited: "Jeff! Channel 68! Quick, quick, Channel 68! Channel 68!"

"All, right," he said, a little tiredly, "Hang on." and Blondie was saying "Jesus doesn't he know what time--"

"OH MY GOD!" cried Jeff.

"Good night," I said, hanging up the phone, knowing that his plans for the night had just changed drastically as he stared, they stared, wide-eyed, at his television set, displaying, in gory and revolting detail, the surgical procedure to reverse a vasectomy.

If there's a better definition of True Evil than that, I don't know it.

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