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Sexier Than Sting

I Hate Mall-Walking

Posted on 2007.07.18 at 17:00
It was too rainy this morning to walk in the park, and my boss was out of the office at noontime, so he had me work through lunch hour and leave at three in teh afternoon, whereupon I went for my half-hour walk in my local mall.

I Hate mall-walking.

Did I meantion I hate mall-walking?


mythicvictory at 2007-07-18 22:34 (UTC) (Link)

Kay, gonna go out on a limb and say

you don't enjoy perambulations around the mall.

I say we thin the old lady herd with a sub-machine gun, and attach all children to their moms with short bungee cords!
No, wait, that's the Texas answer...it's illegal in other states..d'oh!!

I always have felt that you should burn bonus calories when you have to walk in aggravating conditions.
Go you for walking in adversity! Yea Jon!!!!!
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-07-19 09:32 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Kay, gonna go out on a limb and say

Oh, good, I was afraid my message was too subtle.
elfwhistletree at 2007-07-18 22:52 (UTC) (Link)
Well done for doing your walk anyway, despite adverse conditions.

Can I be very British and suggest that you try walking in the park in the rain, perhaps with wellingtons and an umbrella. Not that either my hubby or my kids would ever voluntarily do such a thing, but I believe it is not actually illegal in most states ;-)
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-07-19 09:37 (UTC) (Link)
Actually, I'm pretty sure Dubya declares anyone who walks in the rain an Enemy Combattant, and ships 'em off to Gitmo.

No, seriously, I deen music when I'm walking in the park, and I'm afraid rain will get into my MP3-player-cum-PDA and wreck it.
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-07-19 10:52 (UTC) (Link)
Er.... "need" music. Sorry, I thought I was talking to DC Comics'Zatanna for a moment there!
cyclonejuliet at 2007-07-19 07:44 (UTC) (Link)
I thought you loved "mall-walking"!!!
Note sarcasm aplenty
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-07-19 10:52 (UTC) (Link)
As it turns out, not so much, really.
(Deleted comment)
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-07-19 10:55 (UTC) (Link)
Y'know, if it's Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I just have to buckle down and walk for a half-hour. I have to. And if I can't do it out in the park between six and seven in the morning, then I must put up with the madding crowds at Pheasant Lane Mall. But-- Graahh!
risiepookie at 2007-07-19 09:08 (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry, so what you're really trying to say is that....

you HATE mall walking?!?!?!

Gosh, it was so subtle, I almost missed it! :o)

Nonetheless, good for you for doing your walk!
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-07-19 10:56 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, see, I totally need to stop bottling this stuff up, with my silkily elegant half-statements.
herrbgone at 2007-07-19 16:53 (UTC) (Link)

There is always a technological solution

I take it that your walk was not, how shall I say, fun.

I have a technological solution to offer you:

The self-propelled Perambulator Facilitator.

This new device, no, system (available for beta testing to select customers) consists of a device that at first glance vaguely resembles a walker such as would be used by an elderly or otherwise infirm person to, as the name implies, facilitate their perambulation. However, the differences are marked and obvious to even the most casual of observers.

The first thing one sees is a projection extending from the forward side of the Perambulator Facilitator that somewhat resembles the cow catcher of a nineteenth century locomotive. That is in fact its intent. The roughly conical section easily moves lighter obstructions out of the way.

Did I mention that the unit is self propelled? Inside the forward section is an electric motor powered by an advanced fuel cell system that responds to gentle pressure applied to the handlebars that control the unit to completely neutralize the effect of pushing the unit while its operator is perambulating. The whole point being to add no effort what-so-ever to the already strenuous effort being expended in an unassisted walking exercise routine. The unit operates similar to the way some self-propelled lawn mowers work.

The conical forward section is painted a highly visible white and is adorned with a red warning stripe that somewhat resembles the letter M.

If it appears that the obstructions might be to heavy or numerous for the forward conical section to move out of the way, pressing a button on the control panel in the center of the handlebars extends the twin forward circular saws which make it easier for the cow catcher like forward section to move the obstructions out of the way.

We have numerous additional accessories in development, including a flame-thrower kit, that will be released later this year.

Of course included as standard equipment is the digital walking timer, odometer, oxygen sensor and iPod docking station. A cup holder is also available on some models.

For further information and to sign up for our beta testing program contact your local ACME Systems dealer by mail order or at a mall near you.
Jenna: fomerly chocolate_coins
jennashaped at 2007-07-19 17:56 (UTC) (Link)
Hey...at least you walked though, right? So, that's better than just skipping it altogether. Great job! *hugs*
Jonathan Andrew Sheen
leviathan0999 at 2007-07-19 18:08 (UTC) (Link)
I did indeed spend a half-hour putting my feet in front of one another.

I think it was a tactical error accepting my boss's offer of early release in exchange for working through lunch. It's a lot worse at quarter past three in the afternoon than at lunchtime.
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